EAD Snippet ~ Counterbalance Middle

Title: Counterbalance
Fandom: Kingsman
Pairings: Eventual Mycroft Holmes/Eggsy
Summary:Written in the Skin Soulmate AU. Yes, another. I’m a sappy fuck, okay?
Warning: M/F/M Threesome. All of the sex! Oral, vaginal, anal, rimming. Much sex. So naughty.


Eggsy sits on the grass with his unused parachute flapping behind him, grinning and relieved that his mentor’s soulmate hadn’t, in fact, tried to kill him for reasons unknown. He’s following the man into the mansion with his eyes when he notices his assigned nurse and squire making their way toward him.

The “squire” is a minion of Merlin and basically a Knight’s personal equipment manager. They’d each met the pool of potential squires when they reached the final six but had been told they wouldn’t get to utilize their services until the final three so that by the time the finalist was knighted their squire would know all of the new Knight’s preferences for handling all of their gear, easing their transition into full field duty.

Hell, they’re there now, aren’t they?

“No, sir,” The nurse Jack calls to him when he moves. “Do not stand until you’ve been checked.”

He sighs, Jack is a worry wart -he was standing just fine just moments ago, thank you!- but he follows the nurse’s instructions and settles himself on the grass.

Jack checks his legs over with firm but gentle hands while Abby, his squire, tames his fluttering chute. Working in tandem the two of them get him into a wheelchair and into Medical.

Abby disappears with his HALO gear just as the doctor appears.

They check over him with a fine-tooth comb. First another visual and physical inspection of him from the hips down. Then full body x-rays. Then they set up one of the many experimental systems they have that’s a combination of imaging technology and computer analysis.

Basically it’s a lot of holding still for him. The entire time with a doctor muttering about idiot agents and falling from the sky without parachutes.

By the time he makes it back to the barracks the other two had been released. Probably for hours.

He opens the door to find Roxy pacing in pajamas and Charlie showering.

“Eggsy!” Is the only warning he gets before he has an armful of Roxy, her legs wrapping around his middle.

“Rox,” He returns the greeting.

“Of all the stupid. Brave. Idiotic.” She splutters at him until he tilts his head up for a kiss.

She’s the one that crushes their lips together with more force than is really necessary.

It’s cute though. Charming. The only time she acts like a girly-girl is after a good solid scare on behalf of someone else.

He opens his mouth for her, letting her in as the kiss changes from angry/desperate/worried to heated with desire.

They’d been lovers off and on since the week before they started the seduction unit so the only thing weird about it is this kind of kiss happening in the barracks in front of another candidate. Not that he cares, really. Especially not once her clever fingers start on the buttons of his onesie.

He manages to get them seated on her bed without tripping over anything and they both moan when the change of position settles her warm weight right on top of his growing erection.

She pulls back and invests herself in his disrobing while he slides his hands under her pajama bottoms. No pants. She planned this. That is fucking hot. He moans for her again.

“A bloke could feel left out,” a voice drifts over from the showers.

They both stop what they are doing to look at the room’s other occupant.

Charlie is standing under the shower’s running water, fisting his cock in a soapy hand. He’s gorgeous. A fucking prick but gorgeous.

Eggsy looks at Roxy, raising a single eyebrow.

She takes in Charlie’s form for just another moment before returning Eggsy’s gaze and nodding.

“Don’t join the bed wet,” Eggsy tells the other man before helping Roxy get him naked. He unbuttons his shirt while she works the rest of the buttons on his siren suit open.

He shrugs the tops off and pulls her back in so that he can suck a nipple. He does it right through her shirt. She didn’t even put on her sports bra. God this woman, it’s so fucking hot.

They are both naked by the time Charlie joins them. Eggsy has his head between Roxy’s thighs, working her to her first orgasm when he hears her speak breathily. “Prepare him. See how he’s kneeling? He wants something in his ass.”

“You’re sure?” Charlie’s voice flows over his shoulder already deeper than normal. A hand too large to be Roxy’s tells him the man is speaking to him.

“Yeah, bruv.” He answers as he moves up to suck on her clit. “Slick’s in my locker. And condoms.”

The hand moves away and he hears a metal door open and close before it comes back.

Two hands knead his ass like a happy cat, occasionally pulling his cheeks apart to take a look at his hole. The fourth time his hole is revealed he feels a tongue explore the exposed area.

God, Charlie’s licking him with that poisoned tongue. He’s much more talented orally than he is verbally.

“That’s so hot.” Roxy moans above him, fighting not to clamp down on his head with her thighs.

Eggsy moans his agreement into her clit, one hand leaving its place under her thigh to pinch a nipple a little meanly and it’s that last little bit she needed to send her right over the edge.

Charlie’s hands on his hips urge Eggsy upwards until he’s laying his weight across the still quivering Roxy. Charlie never stops eating him, even as he moves.

Roxy’s arms come up around him clumsily at first and then stronger, grounding him against the sensation of Charlie’s mouth.

A hand leaves his ass and wiggles in between Eggsy and Roxy.

He feels her hitch as Charlie’s hand touches her. Fingering her if the movement Eggsy can feel against his hip means anything.

Eggsy brings a hand up to sink fingernails into her shoulder blade best he can and starts biting along her collar bone, giving her the edge of pain she needs to get off again.

The hand under him leaves and a slick finger soon starts wiggling in along with the tongue exploring his hole and he sighs his pleasure against Roxy’s skin.

“Give him two,” She orders over his shoulder. “He likes the stretch.”

And he gets two fingers but promptly loses the tongue much to his disappointment. Two quickly becomes three though, before he can complain about it.

Roxy pushes Eggsy back and off her enough for her to get a condom on him. He’s just a little too lost to help but the sight of her getting it on him and the wiggling around to line them up really just does wonderful things for him.

The fingers leave him and he hears another condom wrapper open.

He takes that moment to sink into Roxy’s body just like he has a good dozen times before but this time rather than setting any kind of pace, he holds position as Charlie’s cock nudges his hole.

Charlie groans loudly as he sinks in like it’s everything he’s ever wanted. It’s the first noise Eggsy has heard from the other male and it’s quite an ego boost.

Charlie settles his weight across Eggsy and strains forward. Roxy meets him and they kiss over Eggsy’s shoulder, giving him a front row seat. Without breaking the kiss Charlie rocks his hips back and forth, moving them both so that Eggsy grinds out and back into Rox and drawing a chorus of happy sounds out of all three of them.

After a few pumps, Charlie breaks the kiss, takes his weight back and sets a pace for Roxy and Eggsy to match. Well for Roxy to match really. Eggsy for his part leaves it to them, focusing entirely on not coming too soon from the dual onslaught.

Which gets a hell of a lot harder when Charlie finds his prostate and starts hitting it on every stoke.

Roxy’s hands go to Eggsy’s hips, settling over Charlie’s and coaxes them into a slightly different rhythm and Eggsy takes that as the cue it is and slides a hand between them to flick her clit until she’s shuddering and clenching again, her mouth open in a silent ‘o’.

And that’s all there is for Eggsy. He shakes and comes. Charlie moans behind him and Eggsy knows he’s coming too. He feels the larger male teeter and then sit back on the bed, pulling Eggsy with him. Eggsy ends up with his ass in Charlie’s lap and his head low on Roxy’s stomach and he’s okay with that.

Roxy brings her hands up and slides her fingers into his hair. “We should do that again.”

Charlie positively giggles at her.

Eggsy just nods. “Twenty minutes and a shower and I’m good to go.”


Merlin is sitting at the observation desk, writing the report on the sudden demotion and relocation to Burma of one of his assistants. The idiot hadn’t been able to handle the post-parachute test ‘thank god we didn’t die’ sex with any sort of professionalism.

And, okay, sure it’s the first time the sex has been a bisexual threesome but the sex happens every time so it shouldn’t be a surprise.

Admittedly, it hadn’t happened the last time but the only two to survive the parachute test then were both in committed relationships to their soulmates and it had resulted in a sparring match that had delayed the other tests two weeks.

This is why he had his assistant trainers review the records of the last ten cohorts. So that they would know all the historical facts and statistics and be prepared to handle them like the trained professionals they are. And what do all those facts and statistics say? They say the of the last five cohorts – the cohorts to happen since the HALO test was added to the training cycle- four of them have had enthusiastic, athletic, all-night-long ‘post mission’ sex after the test.

For this to be such a devastating surprise to one of his staffers means they didn’t do the preparation they were assigned despite having signed that they had. This is an either integrity issue or a laziness issue or both.

Either way, six months to a year in the ass end of-

The door opens without a knock and Merlin turns to remind the intruder just who is on duty.. only to find that said intruder is Arthur. Merlin does his best not to sigh and moves to stand but Arthur waves him back to work.

The so-called king of Kingsman walks right up to Merlin’s desk without saying a word, taking in the scene before him.

Merlin knew what was going on, of course. The three participants had discussed it thoroughly before settling in to -Merlin checks the time on his computer- approaching three-quarters of an hour of the men alternating between cock-sucking and helping prepare Roxy to take both of them at the same time.

Looks like they are finally ready to move forward, judging by Roxy’s position in Eggsy’s lap with Charlie kneeling on the floor in front of them.

“They aren’t done yet?” Arthur asks.

“This is round two, sir.”

Arthur sniffs like round two is a bad thing and Merlin looks to his terminal so that the elder man can’t see him roll his eyes. He probably could help it but he hates the guy. Down to his bones hates him.

He honestly doesn’t understand how Harry can stand to be in the room with him, much less actually like the guy but, then again He Who Is Now Arthur gave Harry his introduction to Kingsman. Helped him find his life’s work and his place at the Table. That must be why.

Arthur moves around to Merlin’s left, using Merlin’s secondary monitors to recap the action. Not that it’s any of the great big pervert’s business but he is.. the king- With a scar.

Arthur has an Arnold Scar.

What. The actual. Fuck.

“How can I help you, sir?” Merlin says firmly from behind his best poker face.

“Apparently my candidate had initiated an internet friendship with his soulmate before beginning his training with us. Now his soulmate is one of the missing VIPs. MI-6 feels that their Quartermaster’s disappearance is separate from the other international disappearances and maybe an attempt at any number of fool hearty things. Lord Hesketh and MI-6 have contacted me demanding Charles present himself for their protection.”

“Kingsman would be irrevocably compromised if we force a Peer to publicly demand his son back from us.”

“Quite right, Merlin.” Arthur says with a nod. “We’ll end his candidacy in good standing. If a new opening comes up at the Table in the next five years we’ll administer the last two tests to him individually before resorting to another cohort.”

“Of course, sir.”

Laughter breaks across their conversation and they turn to see all three candidates tipsy and giggling. From the look of it Eggsy lost his grip on the edge of the bed frame and seems to have caught himself with his hands flat on the floor. Roxy is clinging to Charlie’s shoulders for stability as the three of them laugh at the whole thing.

“If you like, sir, I can send him up once they finish?”

“Very good, Merlin. I will be in the first floor library.”

As soon as the door clicks closed behind Arthur, Merlin throws the switch to lock the door. He also alerts his personal assistant -not the waste of space, his actual person assistant Emrys- to monitor the situation and let him know when they’ve finished.

Then he gets to work.

Part of being Arthur is that you can never turn off your feed. Arthur is always being recorded as part of the accountability for the position. He could take off his glasses and lock them away but he wouldn’t because a.) everyone would notice and b.) Arthur actually needs his glasses as they are prescription.

Also, Merlin is 92% sure that Arthur doesn’t realize -or, perhaps more accurately, doesn’t remember- that turning off his feed doesn’t actually turn it off. That it makes it so that only Merlin as a neutral and highly trustworthy witness can access and view the feed. It’s never been used but it’s a standard part of their internal security protocols.

He starts by checking Arthur’s feed statistics and comparing the numbers hours spent private verses the number of hours left normal. The numbers are pretty consistent for years, right up until six weeks ago. Specifically the day after Harry’s failed gala-dinner.

Fuck. God knows what the old bastard has done with six weeks undetected corruption. Only one way to find out.

Merlin clicks the first private bit of feed.


The three of them are showering separately when Merlin enters the dorm and pulls Charlie aside.

Eggsy and Roxy watch as Charlie’s face falls and then he hustles off to get dressed. Well Roxy watches. Eggsy watches Roxy waiting for her to say something to her soul mate rather than stand there like a numpty and watch him run out.

She doesn’t say anything.

Eggsy snorts at her derisively the moment the door slams shut behind Charlie and says, “You still haven’t told him.”

“No, I still haven’t told him.” She glares at him, pauses, then ducks under the water and continues in a more reasonable tone. “We did have an interesting conversation in the library yesterday, though.”

“Yeah?” Eggsy prompts, turning off his shower and grabbing a towel.

“Apparently while he has initiated a friendship with his soul mate. Or, rather, his soul mate initiated one with him via the internet. They have not met physically. They were going to meet up to test their chemistry and to see each others wrists but the Other had some work emergency and ended up getting a huge promotion before they could meet.

“He is aware that his soul mate does not have his name on his wrist. That he has a woman’s name on his wrist.”

“So you’re a threesome.” He finds himself nodding. “Makes sense. It does happen.”

They both dress by their bunks, thinking silently. Roxy’s probably angsting over her indecision. Eggsy rolls his eyes and turns to verbally poke her out of it when the door opens and Charlie rushes back in with his German Shepherd Caesar nipping at his heels.

Charlie orders the dog to its bed with a silent gesture and starts stripping rapidly. He looks as panicked as Eggsy has ever seen him. “Arthur says I can leave Caesar here, will you take care of him?”

“Leave him?” Roxy asks, sounding affronted. “You’re leaving? You’re giving up?”

“I’m leaving but I’m going to be working with MI-6 to recover my soulmate. He’s gone missing and that’s a security problem.” Charlie pauses, blinks, and shakes his head. “A really big security problem.”

“They are concerned I’ll be taken for leverage. Our third is probably in more danger.” Charlie pauses worriedly. “He does have her name on his wrist, afterall.”

“Calm down. Your third is perfectly fine.” Roxy says in almost the right tone to be placating but mostly jusy patronizing.

Eggsy winces and Charlie whirls on her. “There’s no way to know that. They could have her already!”

Roxy glares for a moment then glances at Eggsy. He nods at her, encouragingly.

“I know because of this,” she says as she tears off the tape on her wrist and shows Charlie his own name.

Charlie stares at it blankly for a moment before his eyebrows race for his hairline.

“Come on,” Charlie grabs her by the wrist she still has in his face. “We have to tell Arthur.”


Merlin sighs as two of the three most promising recruits he’s seen in 20 years race off to end their time at Kingsman and hopes -God, how he hopes- they aren’t rushing off to end their lives.

He’s known about the connection between Charlie and Roxy. Of course he has. From the view of an outsider that has them under 24 hour surveillance, they haven’t been terribly subtle. But it’s their secret and if there is one thing he knows, it’s how to keep secrets.

So, to anyone else it would be a secret.

Most importantly, to Arthur it was a secret. Keyword: was.

God he hopes this doesn’t mean MI-6 is compromised. But how would Valentine have gotten a hold of fucking Q, if MI-6 isn’t compromised? And if MI-6 is compromised why do they AKA Valentine want Q’s soulmates? Not protection, surely. Leverage? What could they be wanting to force Q to do?

What couldn’t they get him to do, really?

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Shit.”

“Shit buggering fuck.” Harry contributes casually from the doorway because of course he does. “What’s got you in a twist?”

“One candidate left for the last two tests. It’s a fucking waste of resources to put on these tests for one candidate.”

“One?” Harry frowns and moves into the room. “Emrys said three survived the jump.”

“Three did. Now two of them are running off to save their soulmate with MI-6. That leaves one.”

Harry frowns and glances up at the two way mirror to see Eggsy talking to all three candidate-dogs, like a teacher holding a fur-covered version of story time.

“We still have to know that he can pass all the tests. Unless we can get the results some other way?”

“We have nothing else quite like the train test but for the dog test, sure. Eggsy has proven his ability to follow orders whether he likes them, understands them, or not. And he’s proven his value for other lives.”

“Arthur won’t let the dog test go.” Harry responds with a frown. “It’s his favorite test.”

Merlin snorts. “Only because he didn’t have to take it.”

His soul mate turns fast enough to give himself whiplash and blinks at him.

“The Lancelot Cohort never does the dog test. It’s in the training annals.” Merlin says with a sigh. “Knights have access to the training annals.”

“I’ll look into it.” Harry promises in that tone that he uses for any promise he has 90% no intention of actually doing. Merlin just raises a single, unimpressed eyebrow. “Perhaps if we bring that up, it will get us somewhere.”

“Right.” Merlin snorts. “Get out, I have work to do.”

Harry smirks. “Estimate on when we can do the train test?”

Like he hasn’t had it set up for weeks. Merlin almost snorts at his soul mate again but doesn’t because then he would have to explain what he’s actually working on and Harry doesn’t have clearance for that yet. Not until the investigation is finished. “A week. It’ll have to be on a Friday or Saturday so eight days, nine maximum.”

“Very good. I’ll take Eggsy and the dogs out to the obstacle course, shall I?”

There’s something in Harry’s smile. “Don’t tell him anything, Harry, I mean it.” His soul mate doesn’t respond. “No hints, you hear me? No hints! You’ll disqualify him. Dammit, Harry! I’m watching you!”

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